MY LIFE IN HELL HOLE STARTS AGAIN

aih... the new semester has started..

i love seeing all my friends after so long
i love going to the classes (i'm a nerd i know)
i love the PTPTN money that i get
i love going out without having to tell my mom


BUT...

i hate the food here
i hate some people here
i hate the long walk to class everyday under the scorching sun
i hate to pay back the PTPTN money in the future (with an interest of RM 6 000)
i hate the bitches here (pardon my language)
i hate it

aih

BUT
cant wait to see Abu this weekend
baby i miss you =)

ISMAH SAIBUDIN!! AKU TAK PUAS HATI NGAN KO III

ismah, aku xleh access blog ko..taktau kenapa =( waaa...

selamat pagi pari-pari

"selamat pagi pari-pari... i love you sayang"

awww... that is so sweet.. Abu wished me good morning and called me pari-pari =) Forget MUH, they copied Abu. not the other way round =)

but what did he mean by that?

is pari-pari something cute?
or is it possible pari-pari = angel =p

tapi kalau baca definition kat wikipedia tak best langsung (T-T)
haha

jeng jeng jeng... jangan biarkan misteri menghantui hidup anda

AS TIME FLIES BY....

haha.. is she damn cool @ a weirdo?
as the time flies by, i'm getting older..

i am twenty-freaking-three people!!! waaa, at my age now, i cant afford to make mistakes without people telling me how foolish i am. i wanna be able to be mistaken and people correcting
me nicely like they do to little girls =(

i dont want to grow old...

fact for the day: age defying phase is a phase that every woman has to go through. waaaa....

photo credit: here

aku melalui proses pertukaran jantina

seriously guys!!!

i went through a sex change in my life

it happened last wednesday!!!

instead of being glad to have let go what i have been holding on for too long, i didnt feel so relieved after all, it was the biggest embarassment in my life.

although i regretted the sex change, i will never want to go through it again..

yes...you heard me right.



'cause i entered the male toilet!!! setelah menahan sekian lama, dengan terkocoh-kocoh ku memasuki tandas itu. there were a kakak there and a makcik cleaner standing in front of the gentlemen's and they just let me pass through the door. why kakak. why makcik. why didnt you guys tell me it was the wrong toilet..



thank god there was no one there =)



akan ku make sure kan aku tidak memasuki tandas yang salah lagi =)



photo credit:http://media.photobucket.com/image/toilet%20sign/pickitup08/bathroom-sign-1.jpg


if the toilet signs were this big, i surely wouldnt enter the wrong one =)

KENAPA SAYA TIDAK MAHU ANAK?

is baby really a bundle of joy?

is it a joy when the baby cries at night?

is it a joy when we have to tahan the smell of the poop and change the diapers?

is is a joy whe your weekends have to be spent at home with the baby and not out and about painting the town red?

if that is what you call a bundle of joy, thanks a lot then. saya tak mahu... =)

now dont get me wrong. i am not a baby hater. i like little children. especially the cute ones. one year, two years old babies. they're awfully cute!!! saya bukanlah kejam sangat sampai nak pukul-pukul budak tu. kalau tak saya tak kamceng ngan adik saya yang 6tahun itu. =)

reasons why i dont want to have a baby:

a) the world is getting more dangerous day by day!!! rappist, wars, economic recession, harga makanan kat kantin mahal (dahla i dream of sending my baby to a private school... surely it's gonna cost me a fortune). seriously... if i have a baby of my own, i'm gonna be loving him/her with all my heart. and just imagine how devastated i would be if all/any cruel things that could possibly happen in this world happen to me? =( takut...

b) so maybe dunia akan selamat aman sejahtera damai dimasa akan datang. tapi, cuba bayangkan kalau anak saya membesar dengan tidak berjayanya? terjebak dengan kawan-kawan yang tak patut? ini akan menyebabkan dosa saya bertambah (dahla dah memang banyak dosa). i want to be a cool mum, 'it's okay baby... your boyfriend can come over tonight', 'it's ok sayang, awak nak jadi model taking nude pictures pun mama tak kisah. dapat jugak tambah duit dalam akaun bank'. =P but i know that these arent the appropriate ways of raising a baby (islamic way. belum lagi strict islamic way). so, people might say (if the child grows up to be a devil in disguise), 'it's all the parents' fault!'... ewah ewah, senang mulut cakap. then how about the imam's daughter who turns out to be working in a karaoke hangout place? how about us, do we follow each and every little thing our parents taught us to? no... because we're the children. our duty is to not following the parents' advices. =P

c) i am afraid of the labor pain!!! enough said. sakit ok beranak! i cant even handle the period pain sometimes and you'd expect me to bear the other worse pain? Abu's so cute when he said one day (he saw a heavily pregnant young lady) 'i wouldnt want you to be pregnant 'cause looking at the lady makes me think of the pain you'll have to go through'... aww.. that's so thoughtful of you =)

d) i'm afraid that i will love my baby so much that i might tend to ignore my husband (in the future i mean. i'm still single ok guys). told abu about this and he said 'haha... best la tu. i can hang out with my friends when you have to look after her (the baby) =)' haha..."so funny" abu!

e) i wanna be pampered by my husband. i want our time alone. and i dont want the husband to love the baby more than he loves me =P selfish, i know.

f) i'll have to sacrifice all my shopping money to buy the diapers, the baby talc etc. =( there goes my nice fcuk dress...

g) banyak lagi reason lain yang tak sesuai nak diletak di blog ini. censored. =P

i'm still young. maybe my brain is not yet ready to digest the idea of having a baby =)

again, this entry does not make me a baby hater. i love babies, but not for me, for now.

and dont worry, i know all the sacrifices that my mom had done for all of us. and i appreciate it.. but for the time being, honestlly, i am not fit to be a mother =)

have a look at my 6 years old sister singing Unfaithful. she refers to Rihanna as Kakak Senaman 'cause of the way she dances in the video clip. cute =)

i love babies. and i think the cutest baby award should go to Suri Cruise =)



photo credit: http://www.mosnarcommunications.com/suri%20cruise%2012.jpg



tapi her parents a.k.a the Cruises are creepy weirdos =P

Benarkah Aku Mempunyai Ciri-ciri Wanita Korporat??

so yester yesterday, i did one quiz. Are You the Corporate Type? i thought that my results will not be affirmative. reasons why:

a) i am not a punctual person. my lecturer told me that if you have the habit of coming late for class, most probably you'll have that habit even when you are eventually practising. i didnt give a shit when she/he said that 'cause for me, no i will not be like that. haha... in my face!! all the short sems where i have been working with a law firm (YKF & Associates) and currently in Media Prima, i hardly be on time. my office hour starts at 9.15-9.30am(baru jadi trainee dah datang lambat. maybe i'm only fit to be a lady boss. maybe). i hate it when the teachers/lecturers are always right =P

b) i dont think i have the social skills needed to be in the corporate world. i see myself as someone who wouldnt care to tell you how nice your shoes/spouse/handbags are. i am not the one who'd be asking you about your vacation in Rome. i am not the one who'd be asking you how your day was. but dont get mewrong. i dont do these to everyone. only to those i find no interest in. =) if i get to know you better, i'll be the nicest human being around. (lotsa people have been telling me this.) so sorry. niceties are not my forte. tapi saya bukan seorang yang kejam.

one thing for sure, i do know other types of socialising skills *wink*

and

c) i hate to be in an office for hours. i hate the people who first gave the idea that office hours should start at 9 freakin am and ends at 6 effing pm. i just cant stamd being in a closed space especially if the space has no windows! i am an oxygen-inhaling human being for pete's sake! ii guess this is the biggest point in proving that i dont have what it takes to be a corporate lady. kenapalah ofis-ofis zaman sekarang tak ada tingkap? but if they doo have windows, wouldnt the paperworks be flying around? haha... i seriously hate the idea of being stucked in an office. i want to be in courts, i wanna flirt with the judges (no way!). i wanna be out and about. i dont want to be a conveyancing, family or corporate lawyer or any other types of legal practice that requires me to be in an office for hours. waaa..... tidak!!! i even thought of becoming a full time housewife (tak ada cita-cita langsung) to a wealthy and honest and successful businessman, Abu Sufian that is. haha... i could go shopping all day long!

so these are the main reasons why i am not eligible to be a corporate lady.

i was so confident that the quiz is going to tell me that i have no chance in hell to be someone of corporate material. guess what??? after i've added up all my points, my accumulated point was eventually the highest rank of points. around 22-24 points maybe. are you serious? you gotta be kidding me! this cant be right. so, let's analyse the questions and myself.

a) so, among the questions, one of it was "when you are interested in being someone's friend, do you manage to do be his/her friend at the end of it". there are another one or two questions similar to this one. i guess, these questions is to know whether when i want something, i will find my ways to it, i guess. hell yeah i will. i am goal driven! so maybe, this is the most important value that is appreciated in the corporate world. that is why I AM SOMEONE OF CORPORATE MATERIAL! damn right. haha...

b) i may not be punctual, but all my works are done in time. and in tip top condition. trust me. i'm not lying. you can ask my lecturers (bukan cikgu sekolah menengah tau. dulu masih dizaman berpoya-poya) and my group mates. in completing any task given, i can be an uptight perfectionist. ko tersalah eja satu perkataan sikit pun aku dah rasa ko tak layak join group aku. wah!!! kedengaran seperti seorang bos besar. but i'm telling you, i'm serious.

and

c) hmmm... i guess being goal driven and a perfectionist dah cukup untuk membuatkan aku seorang figura korporat. so, how about my fashionably late attitude and my lack of social skills? benarkah apa yang dinyatakan oleh kuiz tersebut. akan ku belajar cara-cara untuk memuji dan mengampu orang bila tiba masanya =)

are they pretty damn sure that i will survive in the corporate world? did i cheat when i answered all the questions? no i didnt! or did they purposely created this quiz in a way that it is actually a reverse-psychology thingy to make people like motivated to be in the corporate world. i dont know.

and i dont care. i'll let myself decide in time. haha... won't let a trivial quiz mould my future =P the purpose of this entry is not to promote all the big bosses in the corporate world to hire me when i graduated. no. i was just wondering, how could someone who always bend the law like me, who always come late for class and work be considered as someone of corporate material? jeng jeng jeng... misteri ini akan terungkai dalam sepuluh tahun akan datang. i'll be reading this 10 years later and be smiling to myself regardless what my choice will be.

photo credit: http://www.takeachancelimo.com

adakah aku akan menjadi seperti wanita ini yang akan membuat dan memikirkan tentang kerja walaupun didalam kereta on the way to KLCC untuk shopping?

photo credit: http://www.pasci.it

atau seperti wanita ini yang kelihatan tensen+happy to be a housewife?

time will tell =) even Abu once told me that he'd prefer me being a lawyer than a lecturer or a wife =) you are so supportive darling.

for the time being, what i can tell is i am happy being a law student. never regretted this choice i made in life =)

till then, take care everyone.

it was fine

it was fine

the day was fine

the mood was fine

the food was fabulous!

tara!

MUNCHKIN

munchkin
i miss you so much!

come home will ya please

what are the things i hate the most when we're apart?

a) i hate to see people holding hands!! i miss holding your hands =( i hate them so much for being able to hold hands. i miss you =(

http://www.flickr.com/photos/staffh/520487063/

b) i hate it when there's new movie coming out but i have no heart to watch it. cause i wanna watch the movie with you.noy with anyone else =( i wanna watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen with you!!!

c) i hate when i feel like eating out at fancy joint, i cant. simply because they dont want to spend their money on great food. and i hate it when i eat, there's no you to feed me =( my eat-out buddy is not here =( owh how i miss that lunch we had at Chili's.

d) i miss hanging out with you and rocking the Guitar Hero!! you were so nice and sweet to give me the chance to take the guitar part and not bass. and the way you got the highest score for Metallica's One always make me proud of you =)

feeds.ign.com/~r/ignfeeds/insider/~3/291315355/452938p1.html

e) i miss hanging out with you at the mamak's. tho it may have seemed like i hated hanging out there so much because you can sit there for hours talking to your peeps and i just sat there holding your hands =( and whenever i'm in setiawangsa passing by Ali's Bistro, it always makes me sad thinking of you.

photo credit: Fahrul Hakim @ Flickr

it's so funny how i love all the stuffs that we do together but when you're not here, i hate them so much!! i hate the fights when we're so far away, but not when you're here.

i want you home!! =( cause i miss you munchkin.

http://www.boostep.fi/images/SJG01408.jpg

ooops..that's not you. i miss you munchkin, my Abu Sufian!!

"we run...

running all the time

running to the future

with you right by ny side

and me...

i'm the one you chose

out of all the people

you wanted me the most"

Good Samaritan Malaysians

I've lived in KL and Selangor for all my life. except for a couple of years when I was around 4 or 5 years old, i lived in Ipoh. Of all the bad things I read in the newspaper about KL, I thank God that i havent encountered any of them. Never been smugged or groped even in a really jammed and packed LRT. My grandma in kampung always have a negative view on the big city. So does a friend of mine from Penang, who loathes KL so much! (go pack your things and leave then) =)

So, what makes me bring up this topic? I passed out in the LRT two weeks ago. Fyi, anyone close to me would know that i hardly fell sick. It's been ages since I last caught fever. In fact, I dont even remember if I ever caught one. Not even selsema ( I refuse to use 'flu; because my english teacher once told me that influenza and selsema are slightly different).

It was a monday. A dull monday. Garfield's right. Monday is never fun! as usual, the train was so packed u cant even budge a milimetre. Trust me. It's like domino effect. One person moves, the others will do too.

I felt a surge of blood. and seram sejuk. real cold. The train was nearing Damai station. Then another surge of blood. The next thing i know, a lady was holding me "dik, duduk dik...".

what the...? did i just faint? malu!! haha...

The nice lady asked me "are u ok?". of course I wasnt. I gave her my most not-ok face because i seriously wasnt ok. Then she asked me where was I heading to. Told her Kelana jaya, and she was suprised cause it was not even half way there yet. Then she rummaged through her purse and pulled out a Snickers bar. "Nah amek ni.. awak tak sehat ni.. makan coklat. Take care tau. Akak turun dulu." It was the KLCC station. So, evidently, I passed out through approximately 3 stations. That was quite a while. If it was a man who helped me, I might have been officially groped in a train for the first time. I felt like crying when the kakak left me.

kakak!!jangan la turun. jaga la saye! =P

My knees were trembling, no im not kidding you. So i didnt go to work that day. Went to UIA clinic and the doctor (the doctor whom I am scared of the most) gave me paracetamol, the wonder medicine. A medicine for all illnesses. And an MC. For that day. Later that night, me and my mom went to our family clinic and I got an MC for the next day =)

yeay!!my offical first MCs since I never fell sick. So that was my first encounter with a good samaritan.

My second experience was just last week. Seriously people, I myself dont even know what the hell is wrong with my body system!! I felt like fainting for the second time that I had to squat on the floor. as I was about to squat, the kakak who was sitting immediately reached out for my hand and asked me to take her seat. I was so touched!! There are nice people in KL! Like the first kakak, she too asked me where was I heading to etc.

But this time around, no Snickers for me =( but I thank you kakak for your sympathy.

So these are my encounters with good samaritans. And I will never forget my Snickers. Thanks kakak!

And i hope I will have the opportunity to help others when they are in need.

What is good samaritan principle?

google it people. =)

These incidents make me proud of KL even more. and I pray to God that I will never have to encounter any evil things in KL.

If you dont agree with the Good Samaritan Principle (since its a Christianity thingy), but I believe that even in Islam we are encouraged to help others when in need, you still can find the rationale in it. Muslims are bound to be helpful. Plus, mind you that in Christianity, if the story was right, this principle was brought into existence by their Jesus a.k.a our Prophet Isa. Therefore, we still can follow the principle because helping others is not a sin and Isa is our prophet. I believe we have our own version of the Good Samaritan story. I will try to find it. =)

Thing is, do good things people. You'll be blessed and you'll feel good about yourself.
=)

My Music

The Kooks

Little Joy

The Strokes

Not many people get my taste of music.

some say its too loud.

some say its too simple.

some say mean things that they wanna say.

but if i listen to what people say about my taste of music, i'll end up being just another boring girl who takes every one hit wonders as her favourite music.

i despise that idea!

so, not to brag, but before everyone were all hooked up on Katy Perry, i've been listening to her months before that.

i came across her on the internet.

the song that got to me was You're So Gay.

then came the rest of her songs.

so maybe, MAYBE i am a pop chick.

apart from her, i love Lady Gaga.

some people dont get her.

"shes a slut, shes a drag, shes fake"

some mean things people say to show that they're cool.

but i love her.

Poker Face? i listened to that long long time ago.

when all other girls are still trying to figure out the lyrics to Just Dance, i found another favourite song of mine from her.

Love Game.

oh ya, and Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)

shes hot man! (not in a way a man would say it =) )

i was always the girl who listens to a song and people will say,

"Lagu ape tu? pelik nye."

and few weeks later, they'll get hooked on that song.

shheessh girls!!

i remember Kiss Me Thru the Phone

back when it wasnt a favorite play on the radio, i had it as my ringtone.

a friend of mine said, upon hearing it

"tak sedapnye lagu!"

(jilat la your own spit young lady!)

so those are my Pop Pleasures for the moment.

other pop acts that i listen to:

Lilly Allen

Feist

Regina Spektor

Dido

Jewel (before she was slutty)

and those who know the way to pop my world!

=)

I am more of a rock chic actually.

but not Secondhand Serenade. (euuww)

you're a guy who cries for a girl every single day and you call yourself a rocker?

dont put the guitars to shame!

my all time favourite?

THE STROKES!!!

their sound: Hard to Explain. =)

i'm waiting impatiently for their 4th album.

favourite songs?

all of their songs are lovable.

but tell you the truth,

they are not love at first listen!

the sounds might be annoying at first, but later on after a few spins,

you're hooked on them!

other bands that i listen to:

Coldplay (everybody hated them while i was in high school. only me and Puyat found them as an excellent musician)

Kings of Leon

The Kooks

The Killers

Albert Hammond Jr

Little Joy

No Doubt

Oasis

Radiohead

The Cranberriess

and some other bands.

my playlist?

people will stop listening to it after a few songs.

i'm sorry i dont have I'm Yours in my playlist

i'm sorry i dont have Daughtry in my playlist

i'm sorry i dont have all the hit songs that u listened on the radio and decided that it should be your favourite song.

but i love my playlist!

and it's mine!

and i am so blessed to have Abu who shares almost exactly the same taste of music.

disclaimer:

im not saying that i have an excellent taste of music.

but this is my taste of music.

i dont diss yours, you dont diss mine.

deal?

"in many ways, we'll miss the good old days.

sometimes."

"you said you wanna stay by my side.

darling your head's not right"

Shoe Emergency!

it was not a good day for me.

it didnt start off very well but i hope it'll get better.

i slept early last night. well, actually i fell asleep in the middle of that Ashton and Tara's movie. i dont know what it's called. it was before midnight. leaving Abu alone, but i betcha he wasnt alone.

he was having a ball with his new friend, Mira!
(hello mira, cant wait to get to know u. so. you're an indie girl, ey? wait till i see you, ima ask you everything indie and let's see how you'll score).

it's ok Abu, i have 90% trust in you. that's a lot. trust me. you couldnt ask for more.(i love you muah)

so the next morning, the alarm woke me like a crazy lady trying to tell me that the world is coming to an end in the very next minute. well, snoozing the alarm has become a bit of a habit lately.

i finally got up at 6.45 (in my entire life, before i started my practical last month, i have never wake up earlier than 7.30am. let alone 7am). trust me!!

this is a torture in disguise! =(

few shit-i'm late's later, there i was. in a rush trying to catch the 7.15 bus to the train station. walking like a mad dog through the effing muddy playground. (dont get me wrong, i do thank God for the rain last night).

fyi, i put on my 2-inch red heels (it wasnt mine. my sister's). quarter way there, the shoe came off! i thought it just slipped out off my foot. well guess what?

as you can see in the picture, it was a strappy one and yes, the front strap decided to sabotage me and 'dislodged' itself from the sole just like that.

long story short,
i had to walk pass the playground, with all the school kids staring at me like i was a b*tch who just got back home from a wild night, with a shoe in my hand.
did i mention that it rained last night?
yes, i had to walk through a muddy playground, half-bare-footedly.
on the plus side, i got free mud spa for my tired foot.
Thank God! =P

after the quick change, at 7.30, took a cab to the bus stand. the bus came at 7.45.
seriously, i was late. finally arrived at the office at 9.15am.

possible remarks from my practical master:
this trainee is able to grasp everything taught and she is a focused trainee. managed to finish her assignments accordingly. however, her attendance record might need some major adjustments. =)

but the rest of half the day went just well.
except for the fact that i'm freezing to death.
(Gila sejuk!)
i know guys, every one of us once dreamt of furthering our studies in the US, the UK, and the Poles. but turning on the AC full blast will not help us achieve our dream.
seriously, it wont!
sejuk!!

well, i believe that every girls will agree with me that once in our lifetime, we had or will have at least one shoe emergency!

it happened on my first date with Abu 5 years ago.
it was a sweet sweet day, but my flipflops.
damn, they just didnt know when would be the appropriate time to cause a scene.
end up, Abu bought me a COMFY sandal from Bata.
it was COMFY girls!
girls, comfy=aunties' sandal.
but it was the sweetest gesture a girl could ask for on the first date. i love u Sayang. thanks.

i hate shoe emergency!!
makes me feel like buying a dozen of new shoes.

photo credit: http://bombshellwithin.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/dscf1573-small-small.jpg

not my shoes and not my foot but the one i was

the shoes i was wearing look a bit like this and the front starp came off just like that.

I said something terribly bad!

but it's only for me to know.
not to be shared with the whole world.
but i feel so damn guilty... and trust me, it doesnt feel good.
not even a bit.

"owh dear mouth,
why do you have to say something so mean
owh dear thoughts
why do you even dare to think about that
owh dear me
stop hurting him
or you will be the one getting hurt"

Mood: guilt stricken

Lesson of the day:
From Abu Hurairah, Prophet Muhammad once said "O ye who believe in Allah and the Judgment Day, say only nice things, if you are not able to do so, say nothing".

~ will try to shut my mouth whenever i feel like saying something real bad~
(but not all the time, cause i'm only human. i have lotsa thoughts and they deserve to be free and not stucked in my head. fly thoughts, fly.plus, it's no fun if i cant say what i wanted to. isnt it?)

Seriously, i apologize to anyone whom i might have hurt his/her feelings =)
if you insist on not hearing bad and terrible things coming out from my mouth, you better dont mess around with me, got it? Haha.. sharp tongue i am.

Better mood as the day goes by =) i hope.

my day, my way

"my day
as usual as it may
be
even on the day
i was born.
my way
not others'
favourite way
but i'm fine with it
so have a good day
in any way
you want it to be"

hello everyone. just to be clear, do i have to do the introductory speech? nah, dont think so. we'll get to know each other in time. so, nice to get to know you, everyone! have a good day.

my favourites:

1. http://www.thestrokes.com/ check them out!!! waiting IMpatiently for their 4th album.

2. food!!anything face-stuffable. haha

3. (will update the list later.)

regards.