aku melalui proses pertukaran jantina

seriously guys!!!

i went through a sex change in my life

it happened last wednesday!!!

instead of being glad to have let go what i have been holding on for too long, i didnt feel so relieved after all, it was the biggest embarassment in my life.

although i regretted the sex change, i will never want to go through it again..

yes...you heard me right.



'cause i entered the male toilet!!! setelah menahan sekian lama, dengan terkocoh-kocoh ku memasuki tandas itu. there were a kakak there and a makcik cleaner standing in front of the gentlemen's and they just let me pass through the door. why kakak. why makcik. why didnt you guys tell me it was the wrong toilet..



thank god there was no one there =)



akan ku make sure kan aku tidak memasuki tandas yang salah lagi =)



photo credit:http://media.photobucket.com/image/toilet%20sign/pickitup08/bathroom-sign-1.jpg


if the toilet signs were this big, i surely wouldnt enter the wrong one =)

KENAPA SAYA TIDAK MAHU ANAK?

is baby really a bundle of joy?

is it a joy when the baby cries at night?

is it a joy when we have to tahan the smell of the poop and change the diapers?

is is a joy whe your weekends have to be spent at home with the baby and not out and about painting the town red?

if that is what you call a bundle of joy, thanks a lot then. saya tak mahu... =)

now dont get me wrong. i am not a baby hater. i like little children. especially the cute ones. one year, two years old babies. they're awfully cute!!! saya bukanlah kejam sangat sampai nak pukul-pukul budak tu. kalau tak saya tak kamceng ngan adik saya yang 6tahun itu. =)

reasons why i dont want to have a baby:

a) the world is getting more dangerous day by day!!! rappist, wars, economic recession, harga makanan kat kantin mahal (dahla i dream of sending my baby to a private school... surely it's gonna cost me a fortune). seriously... if i have a baby of my own, i'm gonna be loving him/her with all my heart. and just imagine how devastated i would be if all/any cruel things that could possibly happen in this world happen to me? =( takut...

b) so maybe dunia akan selamat aman sejahtera damai dimasa akan datang. tapi, cuba bayangkan kalau anak saya membesar dengan tidak berjayanya? terjebak dengan kawan-kawan yang tak patut? ini akan menyebabkan dosa saya bertambah (dahla dah memang banyak dosa). i want to be a cool mum, 'it's okay baby... your boyfriend can come over tonight', 'it's ok sayang, awak nak jadi model taking nude pictures pun mama tak kisah. dapat jugak tambah duit dalam akaun bank'. =P but i know that these arent the appropriate ways of raising a baby (islamic way. belum lagi strict islamic way). so, people might say (if the child grows up to be a devil in disguise), 'it's all the parents' fault!'... ewah ewah, senang mulut cakap. then how about the imam's daughter who turns out to be working in a karaoke hangout place? how about us, do we follow each and every little thing our parents taught us to? no... because we're the children. our duty is to not following the parents' advices. =P

c) i am afraid of the labor pain!!! enough said. sakit ok beranak! i cant even handle the period pain sometimes and you'd expect me to bear the other worse pain? Abu's so cute when he said one day (he saw a heavily pregnant young lady) 'i wouldnt want you to be pregnant 'cause looking at the lady makes me think of the pain you'll have to go through'... aww.. that's so thoughtful of you =)

d) i'm afraid that i will love my baby so much that i might tend to ignore my husband (in the future i mean. i'm still single ok guys). told abu about this and he said 'haha... best la tu. i can hang out with my friends when you have to look after her (the baby) =)' haha..."so funny" abu!

e) i wanna be pampered by my husband. i want our time alone. and i dont want the husband to love the baby more than he loves me =P selfish, i know.

f) i'll have to sacrifice all my shopping money to buy the diapers, the baby talc etc. =( there goes my nice fcuk dress...

g) banyak lagi reason lain yang tak sesuai nak diletak di blog ini. censored. =P

i'm still young. maybe my brain is not yet ready to digest the idea of having a baby =)

again, this entry does not make me a baby hater. i love babies, but not for me, for now.

and dont worry, i know all the sacrifices that my mom had done for all of us. and i appreciate it.. but for the time being, honestlly, i am not fit to be a mother =)

have a look at my 6 years old sister singing Unfaithful. she refers to Rihanna as Kakak Senaman 'cause of the way she dances in the video clip. cute =)

i love babies. and i think the cutest baby award should go to Suri Cruise =)



photo credit: http://www.mosnarcommunications.com/suri%20cruise%2012.jpg



tapi her parents a.k.a the Cruises are creepy weirdos =P

To Kill a Mocking Bird

"People in their right minds never take pride in their talents"

photo credit: http://liabelle.files.wordpress.com

this is one of my favourite books. and thanks to Salikeen, i got to have a copy of my own. =) tapi my cover tak se-classic macam buku di atas. it was a book written in the 1960s by Harper Lee. it's a funny story without having to include any gory and disgusting and stupid-comedy bits in it. the book is funny on its own. it even touches on the issues of race and class in the deep south ofAmerica in the 1930s.

after hundreds of books i've read, i figured out something about myself. which is, i love to read books about little chidren figuring out life and going through things at such young age. be it great things, heart breaking moments and extra ordinary stuffs that even adults might have not gone through. why? i myself am wondering why. maybe it's the innocence in such stories that caught my interest and made me stay and bed and finish the book in one reading. maybe. maybe it's the way the book is written. maybe.

other books about young children that are on my favourite list:

a) The Colour of Water (James McBride)

b) Carry Me Down (MJ Hylands)

c) Bastard Out of Carolina (Dorothy Allison)

you can google these books and will find the synopsis.

so, what's with the phrase?

"People in their right minds never take pride in their talents".

this is something Miss Maudie said to Jean Louise @ Scout Finch.

my opinion: no matter how talented you are, you are to observe that the talent is not something to be proud of. talent comes from god and it's on loan. if you are really talented, you dont have to go for miles to advertise it. if you are really talented, people will find you. and even up till that moment. never be proud of yourself 'cause you will never know when god takes it back.

till then, take care everyone =)

akulah si kaki buku yang cool itu. hell yeah i am that cool bookworm =P

(not bragging especially not on a talent, so it's fine i guess)

Seronok Sangat Ke Jadi Artis

Lisa Surihani?
Cheryl Samad?
Annahita Bakavoli?
Fahrin Ahmad?

hmmmm... cuba teka apa persamaan yang mereka ada? hahaha.. they are all law graduates. they are my seniors, so to say. i believe lisa surihani is a UK graduate. oh ya btw, i met lisa in media prima the other day =P she's skinny and not as big as she appears to be on the movies.

so, it is really a fun thing to be an artist? what makes the law graduates nowadays opt for a career in the glamour world? adakah bayaran yang lumayan yang boleh didapati dengan senang? 'cause cheryl once said that all the payment she received helped her pay her PTPTN loan. hmmm... maybe is hould try doing the same? haha... dream on. but i really admire how cheryl can talk that fast!!! and she's not your conventional beauty. she's in her own class. love her1 annahita, i dont know much about her but i figured out just now that she is currently in the USA. i dont what sh'es doing. furthering her studies i guess. this is here blogspot. http://annahitabakavoli.blogspot.com. i am so sorry i dont know how to do the link thingy. =P

tapi, memangla diorang law grads, tapi maybe pointer diorang yang jadi artis ni tak cukup untuk menjadikan mereka pegam yang berjaya kot. =P maybe... jangan marah.

but why do they have to wait until they grad to become a celebrity? maybe mummy dia cakap kat dia suruh grad dulu, baru boleh jadi artis. maybe. there are many other artists in malaysia who are law grads. for me, in my humble opinion, they are wasting the degree they have. after all the years (i should know better 'cause i am one of them myself) memorising the statutes and the cases. carlill v carbolic smoke balls la. rylands v fletcher la. tara rajatnam v datuk jagindar singh la. this is only 0.0001% out of the total number of cases we have to study and memorise. thousands of cases they have to memorise! and it all go to waste. sigh... i know, i know. it's their life and they have the right to do whatever they want with it. so, sussh me!

so, apakah agaknya ciri-ciri yang menyebabkan diorang boleh berjaya menjadi artis?

a) they are confident and rasa diri bagus. (like all other law students =P. but i doubt my confidence level)

b) they're good at memorising stuffs. hey, we are good in memorising millions of cases. movie scripts should be nothing for them! =)

c) diorang pandai berfikir untuk memutarbelit satu statement which gives them an advantage to face all the poyos entertainment journalists in malaysia. "you say A, i'll say AA". but we lwayers are not liers. we say something differently from how you say it, but it's still the same =)

d) they are degree holders. people look up to them. is this a good thing actually? in the past, the mama juwies always say that malaysian artists are stupid because they do not finish their studies. and presently, most of the celebrities are well educated. i dont know which one is better actually. orang yang habis spm and takda kerja lain boleh buat ke ataupun orang yang ada degree tapi taknak guna degree yang lebig bagus untuk jadi artis? mana-mana pun boleh sebenanye. hidup diorang. duit parents diorang. not my parents'.so it's up to them.

hmm.. i guess that's about it.

so... it makes me wonder. adakah patut aku menjadi seorang artis dan mengikut jejak langkah mereka dimasa hadapan? hahahaha

notadisudutkiri: anyone aged between 24-35 dreaming of becoming a newsreader at tv3, 8tv or ch9, send your resume to newsreader@mediaprima.com.my ke newsreaders@tv3.com.my ntah. aku pun dah lupa hehe... just go try your luck people. i wanna try tapi tak cukup umur. hahaha... (haha..berangan je. i dont know how to read the news pun)

and anyone dreaming of joining any media prima program nak jadi pengacara ke, apa ke, check out http://www.mediaprima.com.my/talentpro/.

haha... i am their free advertising agent now. =P

till then, this has been my tuppence. it's really up to them to live their lives =)

saya bukan nak jadi minah gosip pun, cuma terfikir je tiba-tiba sebab diorang senior saya kan?=)

take care people.

Benarkah Aku Mempunyai Ciri-ciri Wanita Korporat??

so yester yesterday, i did one quiz. Are You the Corporate Type? i thought that my results will not be affirmative. reasons why:

a) i am not a punctual person. my lecturer told me that if you have the habit of coming late for class, most probably you'll have that habit even when you are eventually practising. i didnt give a shit when she/he said that 'cause for me, no i will not be like that. haha... in my face!! all the short sems where i have been working with a law firm (YKF & Associates) and currently in Media Prima, i hardly be on time. my office hour starts at 9.15-9.30am(baru jadi trainee dah datang lambat. maybe i'm only fit to be a lady boss. maybe). i hate it when the teachers/lecturers are always right =P

b) i dont think i have the social skills needed to be in the corporate world. i see myself as someone who wouldnt care to tell you how nice your shoes/spouse/handbags are. i am not the one who'd be asking you about your vacation in Rome. i am not the one who'd be asking you how your day was. but dont get mewrong. i dont do these to everyone. only to those i find no interest in. =) if i get to know you better, i'll be the nicest human being around. (lotsa people have been telling me this.) so sorry. niceties are not my forte. tapi saya bukan seorang yang kejam.

one thing for sure, i do know other types of socialising skills *wink*

and

c) i hate to be in an office for hours. i hate the people who first gave the idea that office hours should start at 9 freakin am and ends at 6 effing pm. i just cant stamd being in a closed space especially if the space has no windows! i am an oxygen-inhaling human being for pete's sake! ii guess this is the biggest point in proving that i dont have what it takes to be a corporate lady. kenapalah ofis-ofis zaman sekarang tak ada tingkap? but if they doo have windows, wouldnt the paperworks be flying around? haha... i seriously hate the idea of being stucked in an office. i want to be in courts, i wanna flirt with the judges (no way!). i wanna be out and about. i dont want to be a conveyancing, family or corporate lawyer or any other types of legal practice that requires me to be in an office for hours. waaa..... tidak!!! i even thought of becoming a full time housewife (tak ada cita-cita langsung) to a wealthy and honest and successful businessman, Abu Sufian that is. haha... i could go shopping all day long!

so these are the main reasons why i am not eligible to be a corporate lady.

i was so confident that the quiz is going to tell me that i have no chance in hell to be someone of corporate material. guess what??? after i've added up all my points, my accumulated point was eventually the highest rank of points. around 22-24 points maybe. are you serious? you gotta be kidding me! this cant be right. so, let's analyse the questions and myself.

a) so, among the questions, one of it was "when you are interested in being someone's friend, do you manage to do be his/her friend at the end of it". there are another one or two questions similar to this one. i guess, these questions is to know whether when i want something, i will find my ways to it, i guess. hell yeah i will. i am goal driven! so maybe, this is the most important value that is appreciated in the corporate world. that is why I AM SOMEONE OF CORPORATE MATERIAL! damn right. haha...

b) i may not be punctual, but all my works are done in time. and in tip top condition. trust me. i'm not lying. you can ask my lecturers (bukan cikgu sekolah menengah tau. dulu masih dizaman berpoya-poya) and my group mates. in completing any task given, i can be an uptight perfectionist. ko tersalah eja satu perkataan sikit pun aku dah rasa ko tak layak join group aku. wah!!! kedengaran seperti seorang bos besar. but i'm telling you, i'm serious.

and

c) hmmm... i guess being goal driven and a perfectionist dah cukup untuk membuatkan aku seorang figura korporat. so, how about my fashionably late attitude and my lack of social skills? benarkah apa yang dinyatakan oleh kuiz tersebut. akan ku belajar cara-cara untuk memuji dan mengampu orang bila tiba masanya =)

are they pretty damn sure that i will survive in the corporate world? did i cheat when i answered all the questions? no i didnt! or did they purposely created this quiz in a way that it is actually a reverse-psychology thingy to make people like motivated to be in the corporate world. i dont know.

and i dont care. i'll let myself decide in time. haha... won't let a trivial quiz mould my future =P the purpose of this entry is not to promote all the big bosses in the corporate world to hire me when i graduated. no. i was just wondering, how could someone who always bend the law like me, who always come late for class and work be considered as someone of corporate material? jeng jeng jeng... misteri ini akan terungkai dalam sepuluh tahun akan datang. i'll be reading this 10 years later and be smiling to myself regardless what my choice will be.

photo credit: http://www.takeachancelimo.com

adakah aku akan menjadi seperti wanita ini yang akan membuat dan memikirkan tentang kerja walaupun didalam kereta on the way to KLCC untuk shopping?

photo credit: http://www.pasci.it

atau seperti wanita ini yang kelihatan tensen+happy to be a housewife?

time will tell =) even Abu once told me that he'd prefer me being a lawyer than a lecturer or a wife =) you are so supportive darling.

for the time being, what i can tell is i am happy being a law student. never regretted this choice i made in life =)

till then, take care everyone.

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO HUMANITY?

front page today:

a)stadium roof collapse (somewhere over the rainbow).

b)canteen roof collapse

c)pondok mak timah's roof collapse

(pilih jawapan masing-masing)

btw, shouldnt it be written as "stadium/canteen/pondok mak timah's roof collapsed"?

i dont know. i have no masters in English Language. =)

so,what does the collapse have to do wit humanity?

well you see,

it was a buiding newly built. though im not an architectural student or engineering student, but it's only logical that a building with the age of less than two years is a young/new building. and it shouldnt collapse. it shouldnt collapse just like that. there was no earthquake. there was no heavy rain. the building was not built on a slope. the big guys involved with the construction of the building will most probably say "owh..ini semua takdir tuhan.. kita dah cuba sedaya upaya untuk jadikan ianya sebuah bangunan yang selamat." sigh...

truth is, islam teaches us to be rational and logical. there will be no single thing that's left without an explanation.

so, apa kaitannya dengan humanity nih?

well.. it's like this. who approves of the construction? the big guys. who are the big guys? the guys who have powers and money and riches and fame in their mind 24/7. i dont think i'm alone 'cause i believe many may have the same opinion like mine. so, here's a case scenario:

A, the big guy was told by another guy, bigger than he is, that there is going to be a new big and mega project. a mega construction. the bigger guy told the big guy, "ok...so we'll give 292mil, you are going to find any party with a good offer to be given the tender to help build the building". so the big guy find his chronies and family members and ipar duai and kawan-kawan tadika dia dulu-dulu untuk build the building. however, he told everyone that the project is gonna cost 250mil. so, where goes the 42mil? into his personal account of course. so, lesser budget, lesser quality of a building we'll get. get it?

the second case scenario:

the same guy was given the task of handling the project. however, this time around the bigger guy told him that there's going to be a big big massive supermassiveblackhole event. "we want to make our state the talk of the nation. we want it to be ready by 16th May 2006, just in time for that big event. do it as soon as possible. if you fail to do so, we will tell everyone your dark past and you will be dethroned (from your imaginary throne)". so the big guy has to find people to get the jobs done. it turned out that they are running out of time. so the big guy told everyone "ala..buat cincai-cincai jela.. asalkan siap on time". so there they are. cincai-boncai je buat kerja.. then there's one mr.nice guy telling them they cant do so, so the big guy threatened that mr.nice guy and tell him to shut up or else he will spread rumours about him (who was running for the position of ketua Taman Permainan Kampung Permai)... middle note: my Islamic Criminal Laws lecturer told us that it's called Qazaf (telling lies about others). he was also given a large sum of money to go have coffee at gloria jeans, starbucks, coffe beans and old town kopitiam. so the works were done in a haste and they even gave some duit kopi to the guy evaluating the building for CF.

so these are the two possible case scenarios in my mind. tapi saya rasa banyak lagi cara untuk orang pecah amanah. saya tak tahu sebab saya tak pernah buat.

so, apa kaitannya ngan humanity nih?

well you see. in both situations, money, power, fame and pride were involved. they couldnt care less about the future or about the trust people entrusted in them. well, maybe they thought the building wont collapse within 2 years. maybe they thought it'll collapse when they eventually die so they'll escape the blame. they forgot that the main purpose of a building is to serve as a shelter for the people. be it a mosque, a canteen, a school, or even a big playground which have big bowling alleys and etc. mereka lupa bahawa Allah sentiasa ada untuk menunjukkan kepada mereka apa yang mereka lakukan di luar pengetahuan manusia lain. ko ingat ko boleh tipu tuhan ko?

and then, now they are pointing their fingers at another country (negara kelahiran Rain) which allegedly completed the construction of the roof. wah!! sedap je nak blame orang kan korang orang tua nih kan? mase anak ko kecik-kecik gaduh ngan kawan-kawan kat tadika pandai pulak ko nasihat dia "Jangan salahkan orang. awak jangan layan dia. biarkan dia". BS!!! "You never take anything that doesnt belong to you ok, sweetheart". "mat rempit sudah menjadi barah dalam negara yang tak boleh diselamatkan lagi." wah!!! pandai nasihat and blame budak-budak!!! diri sendiri dah tua bangka perangai macam mak bapak tak pernah ajar! pandai nak blame orang atas semua kejadian. mentang-mentang mat rempit tu semua orang benci dan tiada medium untuk mereka mempertahankan diri and tak banyak duit macam ko!! they sure know how to blame others these people. dont get me wrong, my boyfriend is not a mat rempit and i dont agree with the nuisance they caused, but at least, they dont steal away the tax money that we paid (well, not us. our parents did pay)

money, power, fame and pride my dear friends caused a lot of disasters in the world. seriously!!

contoh:

power: keganasan US and Israel

money: all the stupid stuffs the celebrity/politician/manusia biasa will do to get the money they have always dreamt of.

fame: sama seperti diatas

proud: bila semua negara nak tunjuk diorang negara yang power. nuklear la. industry la.

sigh...

with the money they had cheated and stolen, they went to overseas trip.. for a few weeks or maybe a few months. shopping. visiting vegas. 2nd, 3rd, 4th honeymoon. unofficial honeymoon with mistresses. not for the benefit of the body the big and bigger guys represented but for personal pleasure. oh damn...

what is going to happen to humanity?

i wish that one day, if there is any other big guy who does this kind of thing, him/her or his/her family members were there when the building collapse so they will see for themselves the damage they have done. takdela sampai diorang mati kat tempat kejadian. maybe cedera parah tapi masih sempat bertaubat =)

they put their needs first before the people who rely on them. i am so disappointed. haih...

i pray to god that my generation will learn from our tak guna ancestors and will try our best to put humanity and fear of god first before our personal needs.

i pray to god to make me one good and honest lawyer one day.

i pray to god that none of my family members were involved in such situation and never will.

i pray to God that Abu Sufian will the most honest and successful businessman in the future.

till then..

this has been my bits as a law student. (budak law memang suka bercakap pasal semua benda kat sekeliling sebab manalah tau lecturer dia terbaca blog dia one day and bagi extra marks. mintak maaf ye puan puan dan tuan tuan).

pardon me for certain words inappropritely used.

take care everyone. jangan masuk bangunan-bangunan yang dibina dalam tahun 2000an kerana i doubt their safety level. =)

tiada lagi yang ikhlas seperti zaman British dan penjajah lain menjajah negara kita. mungkin inilah hikmah disebalik penjajahan tersebut apabila orang atasan berjuang dan berkhidmat dengan setulus dan seikhlas hati.

no names have been mentioned, so please lord shield me from any defamation action =)
amin

it's not your age that gives you my respect. it's your integrity.

it was fine

it was fine

the day was fine

the mood was fine

the food was fabulous!

tara!